Your essay accurately interprets the story, however, your argument, analysis, and organization
of ideas need to be developed.
Keep your introduction paragraph short (Under a page, though usually much less than that is
needed), and provide less summary of the texts. Focus on what is most important for
introducing them and your thesis statement. Regarding that important claim, while you implicate
the prompt’s language, you don’t quite offer readers a sense of how the setting figuratively
mirrors the internal life of the narrator. Yes, it contributes to her confinement, but how does it
“Mirror”, or reveal what she is thinking and feeling?
Thus, when we arrive at body paragraph one, the discussion of John’s suffocating “medical”
treatment is important, but it alone doesn’t answer the question. What is it about the way the
author, Gilman, portrays the setting that underscores the narrator’s unspoken feelings of
imprisonment? Start with a topic sentence (relevant observation + significance of the
observation), and use each sentence to its maximum potential. There are often short sentences
that could be combined or rewritten as more complex thoughts to more quickly and concisely
arrive at information.
These comments apply to body paragraphs two and three as well, however, there, quotations
do too much of the talking, leaving your analysis marginalized. Remember that you should
always provide much more commentary than you do quotation. After the quotes, spend several
sentences unpacking them: what is it about the wallpaper itself that matters? How is it used to
evoke the narrator’s feelings — feelings that she doesn’t otherwise explicitly state?
There will be an opportunity to revise this essay for a slightly higher grade.
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