What’s Working:
Your introductory paragraph sets out an order of discussion topics which you have kept to well. Following the order of discussion topics set out in the introductory paragraph helps the reader to understand how you will introduce climate change as a contributor to decreased happiness in society.
What Needs Work:
I’ve chosen three priorities to focus on as you revise.
Overall Focus/Cohesion
Your paper lacks some clarity with regards to your main argument. Including a clear argument will identify the purpose and content of your paper to the reader. In your introduction, you state that:
“Scarcity produces difficulties that require solutions.”
However, in the last portion of your introduction, you identify climate change as the cause of a decrease in the happiness of a society. In your conclusion, it is not clarified what the solution is to neither the problem of scarcity nor the problem of climate change. What suggestion are you trying to make to solve this problem? To develop this idea further, ask yourself:
If prioritizing climate change is limiting people’s happiness, what is the alternative?
Why is it necessary or unnecessary to manage climate change?
Content Development
There is some confusion in your essay with regards to your argument. Maintaining a clear argument is essential to keep the reader interested and give them a level of understanding. On the one hand:
“People can be happy when resources are inadequate.”
However, you continue to explain that the free market excludes all who cannot afford the products and services. Does that not decrease happiness as well? Are these people not denied happiness? As you state:
“The changes disrupted the free market’s balance because people are prohibited or limited from activities that contribute to the change. Thus, these people are denied happiness.”
The reader may be left wondering what you are trying to say. Climate change causes a disruption in the free market, which in turn causes a decrease in happiness because resources cannot be distributed to everyone satisfactorily. However, as you mention, purchasing products and services from the free market is already exclusive to those who can afford it. If people can be happy with less and can be happy while excluded from the free market, why is the exclusion caused by climate change the problem?
Use of resources:
Based on the Chicago notes system, your citations in your footnotes are incorrect. The elements of footnotes used on the Chicago notes system differ from the reference list entries. Here is an extract from your essay:
“Schmidt, M., (2018). Scarcity and Environmental Impact of Mineral Resources- An Old and Never-Ending Discussion. Resources. 1(8).”
The correct format for the footnotes of the Chicago notes system is as follows:
For the first note: Initials. Surname, Name of the publication, edition. (Location: Institution, year), page number.
For example: M.H. Abrams and Geoffrey Galt Harpham, A Glossary of Literary Terms, 9th ed. (Boston: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2009), 155.
For the second note: Surname, Name of publication, page number.
For example: Abrams and Harpham, Glossary, 200.
For more information on Chicago style referencing, follow the link below:
https://services.smarthinking.com/static/document_library/docs/writeman/2_03_09_03.cfm
Revision Checklist:
Review focus of essay to incorporate specifics.
Clarify possible confusion in main argument.
Review comma use error in paragraphs.
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