Dear Student of this online ENG 111 class:
Hello, my name is Jordan. I’m going to be a freshman at MUM in the fall, and I’m signed up for this online ENG 111 class. I’m a little worried about this class. The teacher showed me the syllabus, but it may as well have been written in a foreign language! It made no sense to me. The teacher gave me your name and suggested that I write to you about my concerns. The teacher said that maybe you could write me back and help me through some of my worries.
Basically, I’m worried about the class because I hate writing. It’s sooo boring! When my teachers make me write stuff, I usually don’t have anything to say. If I do, I don’t know how to organize it, or how to make myself sound really smart. I guess I’m just stupid. No, scratch that. I’m not stupid. Writing is stupid. I know I’m not supposed to say things like that, but hey, I am what I am. Deal with it, world!
I have to pass this composition class, though. And I know that to pass the class I’m going to need to learn to write better. So I was wondering if you could give me some detailed information on a few things. First, what is this ENG 111 course all about? I mean, what kinds of ideas, goals, and skills are you supposed to learn? Second, I’d like to hear your thoughts on what I need to know about reading and writing in order for me to become a better writer, and to understand why I should be able to write well at all. I mean, why is knowing how to “apply principles of rhetoric and composition” (whatever that means) so important to my everyday life, anyway? I want to own a bank or three and be filthy rich. I won’t have to know about “rhetorical situations” and “inquiry” and crap like that. You don’t have to read and write well to be rich! You just pay someone else to do your work for you. Anyway, I hope I understand what you’re talking about, considering I haven’t taken the class yet.
(By the way, what’s a “text,” anyway? Is the teacher talking about, like, textbooks, or what? What the heck is “rhetoric”? I’m totally lost!)
Actually, now I’m kind of wondering if I should take this class at all! Maybe when you write back to me, you could pick 1-2 course goals from the syllabus, and talk about how your skill or knowledge of those course goals changed in this course. Maybe you could use some examples from your own writing to like, illustrate your points or something. That might help me understand why composition and rhetoric are worth anything to me.
It’s really cool of you to answer my questions—thanks! I mean, this whole letter probably looks like a cleverly disguised writing assignment for this class. If the rumors about this teacher are true, you’ll probably need to develop, like, a formal letter to me or something that covers all of my questions, am I right?
And I bet if this teacher were grading this, it would probably be worth, like, 15% of your course grade. The teacher is probably looking for lots of exhaustive details and examples in your letter, right? And the instructor would want it to be focused, organized, coherent, and thorough. Mainly, I’m guessing this teacher would probably want to see that you can comfortably and confidently define and use the vocabulary words and main concepts you’ve been learning in this course. (I can’t believe I’m thinking of taking a class like this!) You’re probably going to have to plan your letter before you actually write it—you know, do some brainstorming or outlining or whatever, to get your thoughts in order.
Sorry for asking you to do a bunch of work! I mean, your letter will probably be like, 4-5 pages long, but I’ll leave that up to you. Anyway, I really, really appreciate it. If you have any questions, well—don’t ask me! But if your letter is really useful, I’ll give you a free toaster or something when you open an account at one of my future banks.
L8R,
Jordan
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