There is a lot here that is very good, but it needs some revision. I’ve highlight text I comment upon in yellow and the red text are my comments.
To revise it, do the following:
First, carefully read through the discussion of Constructivism in your textbook. You’ve used some language you found online that is confusing. In some cases, looking online for an explanation of something is helpful, but not in this case. If you it would be helpful, we can have a 10-minute discussion of constructivism on zoom and clear up anything that’s not clear to you. If you understand constructivism well, you should be able to apply it in ways that are clearer than what is here. This is especially important since you are applying just the two theories (constructivism and realism) in your essay.
Second, carefully read the articles about the conflict posted on Canvas. I don’t see much if any reference to points made in those articles that could enhance your analysis. Make sure you provide citations for points you make from these.
Third, the beginning of the essay describes the history of the conflict, but it is set off from the analysis. The essay would flow better and probably be improved by integrate this discussion of how the conflict began and evolved with the analysis. As it is, you have to repeat information in the analysis that you presented in that first section. I know I suggested that you organize your essay by first providing a summary of events prior to the analysis for each of the three questions addressed. But here that summary seems almost like a separate first short essay rather than part of a whole.
Fourth, make sure you edit your essay in multiple sittings rather than trying to do it all at once. Otherwise, you’ll miss places where the text needs clarification etc. And only use words you are accustomed to using, except of course for using terms you are learning in the course.
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